this was goddamn difficult and i need a drink

okay, so it's been a while. that's alright. this is what happens when you forget to feed and water your blog and leave it in the sun for a couple days because you're too busy living it up spring-break style!!!*

SPRING BREAK '08!! SHOW US YOUR TITS!!!


[* and by this i mean watching tivo'd episodes of house]

but here's the happenings:



after a lot of consideration, i've decided to invest in a staples easy button and keep it on my person at all times. [link provided in case readers are retarded, don't watch television.] sure, it'll set me back a whopping $4.98 [not including shipping & handling] but if you weigh the dollahs against potential uses, i'm sure you'll agree it's a steal.

use 1:
bring easy button to work. whenever i press the print button, simultaneously press the easy button. then shout, "IT SURE WAS!" to everyone in the room.

this i feel will express an appreciation of modern-day technology while boosting morale throughout the office. much like this poster of a kitten. [see below]




use 2:

everybody loves the movies!



and what better way to share your emotional response to the scene playing than to have a pre-recorded man say "that was easy!" after the main character has been raped? lots of laughs, hatred.


use 3:

it is ten years into the future. vases have been thrown, clothes have been hastily thrown into suitcases, and my husband and i tearfully agree that it is time to get a divorce. there is a pause when we gaze into each other's eyes, perhaps the most honest moment of our marriage so far, and try to express without words out emotional anguish and sense of loss, while acknowledging our irreconcilable differences.



then: "THAT WAS EASY!"


BAM! levity. you're welcome.



but srsly, think of the children.



they will need a staples product during this difficult period in their lives.


now, what's this? you remain unconvinced?
perhaps you should check out some of these reviews from Satisfied Customers.





"thebuttonator'" brings up several good points - not only does the easy button keep good time, it is also indescribably awesome and you [i] need to own one.






check this shit out, the easy button makes math fun. even for girls! even for french guys named claude!






OMGz sk8er dude iz sO fuNnY!!! LOLz!!!






you heard the lady, BUY IN BULK.




and just to give you an example of how only idiot jerkwads don't like the easy button, here's Jim.





not only is jim a "high-end shopper" he is apparently the best in the west. well this isn't saying much for the west, am i right???

but seriously, don't follow in jim's footsteps and have a horrible experience. and by that i mean don't live in california where apparently no one has a SENSE OF HUMOR and only wants to buy speaking toys if they say more than one phrase, i mean this is EXACTLY WHAT'S WRONG WITH THIS COUNTRY TODAY, everyone wanting something for nothing, and being so demanding while they drive around in their gas-guzzling SUVs, just CONSUMING CONSUMING CONSUMING, spending money recklessly on things like tivo, and season three of house, and not giving anything to the little guy, who is only trying to help people get through the stress of their nine-to-five job!! what are you, jim, some kind of ASSHOLE? some kind of asshole who doesn't understand how someone's life could be cheered just by the press of the button? IS THAT IT?


whatever, tired_teacher knows what i'm talking about.